KmothafuckinLee ([info]eyesall_a_glow) wrote,
@ 2005-02-13 11:13:00
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i can't figure out if i hate my dad or if i love him.to be totally honest,that's really hard to figure out.i was suppose to move out last night.anywhere i wanted.it didn't matter,just as long as i was away from here.he wanted me gone and i wanted to be gone,but then i asked him one question i already knew the answer too.."if i left,was i not welcome back"?and i was right.NOPE.i guess my family has given up on me.they all think i'm ending up just like my mother."your just like her kaylee,your nothing different from her".what an insult,but you know,maybe their right,maybe i really am turning out to be the same thing she became.and and ::cries:: i don't understand why i'm doing this to myself.why the hell am i screwing up so much.i have everything and could have more.it's just up to me.i'm the one who is making all the fucked up choices.you know,maybe my dad's not such a bad guy after all.i mean he is the one who is caring for me,he's the one who is still putting up with my shit.he's the one who was on his knees last night crying to me that he was sorry for all the horrible things he has done to me.DAMN STRAIGHT you fucking better be sorry.he has no idea how he has hurt me physically and emotionally.but what the fuck am i saying?to me,i never to any crime.i'm never the one who thinks that what i'm doing is "bad".well it is.i don't go to school.i smoke weed WAY too much.i smoke cigarettes.a pack a day.when i'm grounded,i don't give a fuck.i do what i want.when i want.i don't socialize with my family(at least not anymore).i party way too much.i barely talk to any of my old friends(something i regret SOOO BAD).it's not that i'm not happy,because trust me I AM,but it's time to grow the fuck up.start taking some responsibilities.i can't be grounded my whole life.i talk about all these things in life that i want,well as of right now..i'm not even close to getting one thing on that list.right now..i'm a failure.it's time to man up and face the truth.

p.s. my mom is moving back to lakeland.her bus comes in at 4:00 today.i'm kind of nervous.but i'm glad she's coming back to her girls..it's the best thing for her.while she straightens up,i can do the same.

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i'm not trying to be mean;
[info]aspotonthesofa
2005-02-13 05:31 pm UTC (link)
i'm trying to tell you what you might not realize.
the only reason you should hate your dad is because he's let you do whatever you want, given you whatever you want. whenever you wanted it basically. everyone needs discipline whether you like it or not, and since you barely have any at all in your life you think you can be so carefree and do whatever you want. yeah you're right. you do need to face reality, because life isn't irresponsible as you make it seem.
DAMN STRAIGHT you fucking better be sorry
you're the one who should be sorry.
he may have done alot of shitty things, but look at you Kaylee. what would you do in his situation? theres nothing stopping you now, except yourself. so i hope you're serious about changing, because i'm really worried.

i love you, but you've got to do something with you're life.

good luck

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Re: i'm not trying to be mean;
[info]we_will_collide
2005-02-13 05:50 pm UTC (link)
Taylor is right Kaylee.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Re: i'm not trying to be mean;
[info]eyesall_a_glow
2005-02-13 06:52 pm UTC (link)
don't think for one minute taylor that you are being mean.your my sister,i want to hear this from you.it's reality.it's the truth.I HAVE became something a lot of people never would have thought could have been possible.my life...has way too much freedom.having freedom is something everyone should have,just not the type of freedom that i have.i have brought myself down so incrediably hard.i've dug a hole that's going to be damn hard to get out of,but I AM SERIOUS ABOUT CHANGING.not only do i want to,i have to.i want something out of life.i want to have fun and have wonderful things,but i can't do or have those things with the path i am taking right now.i love you so much taylor rae.and thank you.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]youjumpijump
2005-02-13 05:53 pm UTC (link)
im praying for you...

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[info]eyesall_a_glow
2005-02-13 06:52 pm UTC (link)
thanks.
♥

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[info]_lightamatch_
2005-02-13 08:30 pm UTC (link)
you can do it, kaylee.
you know, the more you put yourself in the kind of environment where people are doing things that you don't want to do, the more you're going to give in to doing them.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]eyesall_a_glow
2005-02-13 09:07 pm UTC (link)
perfectly said.
and thank you tyler.

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[info]hypnoticxcharm
2005-02-13 11:03 pm UTC (link)
this whole post, i hope you mean what you say and aren't just writing it for people to read so they think you're going to change.
when you write something like that you have to mean it. well actually, you don't, but a little honesty and faith, in yourself too, would be considered only genuine.
half of me wants to say fuck it, she's done this before, we've/i've been there when hardly anyone has, got to know you for what i see you has, not judged you from what other people have said. i did that for you, but what did i get back? i wasn't asking for a gift back, or even a friend, i was asking for you to do what you set out to do when you became friends with other people. because when you have people that will do that sort of thing for you, then they are the ones caring and trying to help you out. they are the ones putting aside their problems and their other friends for a minute and trying to help another girl out. that's the kind of people you should be telling this to, and apologizing to. because you can apologize to yourself all you want, but it's the people that tried to help you and talked you through stuff and gave you their advice and all it did was get thrown out the window and buried somewhere. this isn't me telling you you're a liar, it's been telling you this better be a reality check, because you can't keep going on like this. not just with the drugs and the skipping, with the going back and forth with those things. going back and forth with people. going back and forth with yourself. i want to help you kaylee, you know that. you know i'm upfront with you and i'm not gonna lie to you. i've been there when i barely knew you, and i'll be there for you again, if you just listen to what you're saying and what others around you are. ♥

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[info]astory_told
2005-02-15 08:12 pm UTC (link)
i saw YOU at school today. ::claps::
good job.<3

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[info]eyesall_a_glow
2005-02-16 08:44 pm UTC (link)
yes. yes, you did.

<3

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