| All in a feeble attempt, to preserve the self, within. |
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| swallow it whole..I MEAN NOW!>!! |
[18 May 2005|07:04pm] |
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mood |
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I guess I should defintly update more. Grooovin and slidin.New cell 712.4411 Summer begins soon. Maybe this summer won't be so locked and shut out (not that it was in the past, just that I don't have to feel the way I had to feel, which is good and maybe some bad) Free will.Like the sound of it though. Taylor got her glasses, she's so beautifully dorky. There's a lot of people I want to spend some time with in the near future. Maybe I should try calling them once i a great while..just to check up.
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[29 Apr 2005|04:13pm] |
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Get yo motha fucking game tight BITCH!
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| say fuck it and keep walking. |
[23 Apr 2005|02:25am] |
Twisted shit happens for some reason or another. A lot is going to change and I really didn't think it would ever come to this, but at least this time around it will feel better. The damn women some how got me back. Pussy. I know the mother fucker couldn't handle it. Don't get me the wrong way, I'm not trying to flaunt that I'm a fucking helian, but I FUCKING KNEW HE WOULD GIVE UP. Some day it would happen. I may have to bite my tongue more than often, but all I have to say is bring it the fuck on! I'm definatly ready for this shit. At least now I can actually look forward to getting up in the morning. I've recently found out that my Mom is my inspiration, seriously.. with all the bad that she's done, she's learned a lot out of it and it's teaching me a lot of useful information. I forgot to mention that I no longer live at my house anymore. So don't call there asking for me because the person who answers will probley say something along the lines of him not knowing a "Kaylee". My father's a bastard and it's sad to say that I really truly mean that. Not because he kicked me out, but because he can't face the truth and the truth is that he didn't know what the hell he was doing for almost 7 years. Sad. In 2 weeks we are getting an apartment. I'm stoked because I get to decorate the place. I love moving. It's not that I do it all the time, it's just when I do I get butterflies and I start to count the days down till the moving day.
peace
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[02 Apr 2005|12:21am] |
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One year. That's all. No more having to put up with this lock down bullshit that's being pulled. Yeah he's got the money and the good credit and I'm pretty sure if I whinned long enough I would get what I need, but I'm tired of being the selfish spoiled provoker. It's getting really lame and I'm ready to fucking grow up. It's pathetic and quit irritating and I can't handle too much more of it. All I need to do is well.. bust my ass, but it will do me some good. Get me back in line. I'm 3/4way there. Ha. I'm working in a slowsluggish sort of way, but sooner or later when the time rolls around, I'll have all my shit standing erect. I say this now, not proving a thing, but give me some time and you would be astonished. Something amazing happened within the past two nights. It's something no one will ever comprehend and if I tried to explain the situation one would still be lost in bewilderment. One thing is for sure, I appreciate the friends that I have. They do a lot for me and I'm surprised most of them are still around. Luck, no.. blessed. I've come to learn that being patiant works out better in my life. It's not as bad as I was making it seem to be. I came home Wednesday night with a surprise waiting for me from an anonymous someone. Two 24 packs of beer sitting at my door. Of course you would know better and drink them all and get really shit faced, BUT a certain scandalous fuck decided to take them and go dump them all out. Don't think so Mr.heheh./This week was pretty good. This whole "positive" thing is working out really well for me. I'm stitching a lot of wounds I opened up. Yeah. Tonight was my night off. Went to Florida Southern, some festival type shit was going on, free rides and food. Can't beat free offerings. I work tomorrow and Sunday, 2:30-11:00 both nights. My job is very enojoyable. I love being there, one night over spring break I worked a 10 hour shift just because I didn't want to go home. The bright side is that I get 3 pay checks tomorrow night and that is defiantly groovy. This entry is probly going to be the last for awhile. I never have anymore time to get on the ol' ucha and explore and shit like I use to. It was an everyday thing, now.. it's like a "wheneveristrollpastmydad'soffice" type of thing.. RocknRoll
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[28 Mar 2005|11:05pm] |
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motion sickness::bright eyes |
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Walk away from it all like it never happened.
I'm being told to just let go, but it's not as easy as it may seem. I got what I've been waiting for, but what to do with the left overs. And are they even left overs? This is a really hard decision. I want to take with me, not leave behind. To me that just seems too cruel and something I couldn't bare to let take action. I want what I have, but to complete this sentence wouldn't be right. I hate this. I did everything I was suppose too. And now.. it's up to you. You need help, so let me help you. Please.
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| a little note.. |
[27 Mar 2005|09:57pm] |
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mood |
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new screen name
lapsed essense
add me fool.
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[26 Mar 2005|11:51pm] |
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out with the old, in with the.. older.
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[12 Mar 2005|12:16am] |
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Damn. I like it. I like it a lot in fact. Wonderful things are happening. About time./ School can suck my hairy cock, but at least I go.
I was on the run last night. No one could find me and my grandmother almost had a stroke. She's a selfish bitch and can rot in...nah, that's mean. I'm no mean person. My birthday is coming up.
MEEEE!!! I GOT A MOTHA FUCKIN JOB!!!! So I put in an app. at Panera Bread, I guess a couple of weeks ago and they told me they would call. Never did. FINALLY those douche bags called, but left no message. So my happy ass went up there, got an interview and BAM got the job. Today was my first day. It was pretty awesome.
( welcome to the candy shop )
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[06 Mar 2005|10:06pm] |
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mood |
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Party, people.
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[28 Feb 2005|10:07pm] |
Finally I get this piece to work. I've been trying to update for the past week or so and everytime it says that my time is in the past and that I can't post in the past without it being the future. Yeah, doesn't make sense to me either. I have a charlie horse. I hate it when it happens. My leg feels numb from being tightly clinched in one position for so long. Usually I get them in the middle of the night and end up spazzing out because the pain is unbearably torturous. Blah. Things seem to be getting better. School is heading back up the hill I lost balance on. The so called "relationship" my dad and I have is actually becoming a true statement. I didn't loose my best friend. Which is complete bliss. Applyed for a job at Panera Bread and praying that I get it. Auditioned for the play and got shit. KALEIGH MONROE I WANTED THAT PART!!!!! damn you. The weekend was actually pretty chill. I enjoyed it. Relaxation with a bit of a twist. mmmm.
I'm out. Everyone enjoy the rest of your week.
xox
Kay
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[24 Feb 2005|06:21pm] |
Something crazy has been going on with my journal. I've updated at least 4 times and still it won't show up. insane.
Hello. My life is making sense. Thank you.
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| dainelle |
[15 Feb 2005|07:43am] |
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you know i've really been thinking. and i know i do this a lot, but this kind of thinking is different. it's people thinking. usually when i truly hate someone, i really mean it, but i'm starting to think that this person is different. i asked myself last night.."why exactly DO you hate her"? and what was suppose to pop up didn't. nothing came up. i couldn't think of anything, but one reason as to why i hate this person. JEALOUSY. that's it right there. that's the only thing that was keeping me from liking her. and is it fair? no. but has it already happened, yes. can i apologize and make myself look like an idiot because SHE was right the whole time? yes. it's what i feel is right. she may not agree with me, hell she may still hate me, but when someone realizes that they are wrong and they are willing to admit to it...that takes a lot of gut. instead i could just go on and keep hating you and running my mouth about how big of a slut you are,but i'm not going to do that anymore. if it's not the truth then it shouldn't be told. i'm sorry. i don't expect you to make peace with me. this is for me. i guess you can say it's kind of a new technique i'm using to help myself. there has been plenty of words exchanged between us and even though more than half of that stuff that was said we really meant, some of it may have not of been true. whatever you think about this is your own opinion. whether you chose to befriend me or not, is up to you.
good day.
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[13 Feb 2005|11:13am] |
i can't figure out if i hate my dad or if i love him.to be totally honest,that's really hard to figure out.i was suppose to move out last night.anywhere i wanted.it didn't matter,just as long as i was away from here.he wanted me gone and i wanted to be gone,but then i asked him one question i already knew the answer too.."if i left,was i not welcome back"?and i was right.NOPE.i guess my family has given up on me.they all think i'm ending up just like my mother."your just like her kaylee,your nothing different from her".what an insult,but you know,maybe their right,maybe i really am turning out to be the same thing she became.and and ::cries:: i don't understand why i'm doing this to myself.why the hell am i screwing up so much.i have everything and could have more.it's just up to me.i'm the one who is making all the fucked up choices.you know,maybe my dad's not such a bad guy after all.i mean he is the one who is caring for me,he's the one who is still putting up with my shit.he's the one who was on his knees last night crying to me that he was sorry for all the horrible things he has done to me.DAMN STRAIGHT you fucking better be sorry.he has no idea how he has hurt me physically and emotionally.but what the fuck am i saying?to me,i never to any crime.i'm never the one who thinks that what i'm doing is "bad".well it is.i don't go to school.i smoke weed WAY too much.i smoke cigarettes.a pack a day.when i'm grounded,i don't give a fuck.i do what i want.when i want.i don't socialize with my family(at least not anymore).i party way too much.i barely talk to any of my old friends(something i regret SOOO BAD).it's not that i'm not happy,because trust me I AM,but it's time to grow the fuck up.start taking some responsibilities.i can't be grounded my whole life.i talk about all these things in life that i want,well as of right now..i'm not even close to getting one thing on that list.right now..i'm a failure.it's time to man up and face the truth.
p.s. my mom is moving back to lakeland.her bus comes in at 4:00 today.i'm kind of nervous.but i'm glad she's coming back to her girls..it's the best thing for her.while she straightens up,i can do the same.
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[06 Feb 2005|11:48pm] |
my hair is getting long.
:-)
i get it done soooooon.it's been 4 FUCKIN LONG ASS MOTHA FUCKIN MONTHS.and i'm ready.
how's everyone been?
life for me has been ludicrous.sometimes i just want to kick myself and say "what the FUCK are you thinking..",but i never get around to doing it.figures.
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[23 Jan 2005|02:26pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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lil jon/crunk juice::one night stand |
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( ____ )
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[20 Jan 2005|08:54pm] |
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mood |
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i thought it was best that i took the next turn...
it just so happened to be the wrong one.
"Kaylee,where have you been"??
those are the only words i ever hear anymore.
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eyesall_a_glow's journal
horny
CAN SOMEONE PLEEEEEEASSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE PLEASE PLEASE DO MY LAYOUT FOR ME???!!
IM me at undiscoveredhart if you would do me the pleasure of creating one.
A question for all.
Should it hurt when someone tells you that they don't care about you and the only reason they are letting you still be in their lives is because they have too? Not to mention they don't love you either?
My answer- Yeah. Nope. Doesn't hurt at all. In fact, laughing seems to solve that one. Taking it to the extreme with punching in the face with a remote might be an even better solution. Bastard. One day HRS is going to come after you. DUNNNN Duuuun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. fagetfuck.
bouncy
